Roller Coasters?


I’ve built my life upon thinking and rethinking the long list of ideas and assumptions that have been forced on/fed to/presented to/shared with/offered to me. I have to use a mish mash of verbs to really cover that because sometimes it’s been violent and, fortunately, more often it’s been a sharing of some kind. That, however, is besides the point here.

Who the hell decided that life was life a roller coaster? I get the highs and lows analogy, but even the lows on a roller coaster are fun (or terrifying and anxiety inducing depending on who you are). So i want to begin by framing this differently. The combination of experiences that we move through are so much more complex than high and low. Sometimes they are sideways. Sometimes they are slow and pleasant. Or boring. At other times we are careening out of control and our hearts can barely prevent themselves from exploding out of our faces. That can be thrilling or horrifying depending on why the careening is a thing in our lives. Roller coaster? Nope. I can’t even think of an apt analogy. I just know that a roller coaster is way too three dimensional and we are at least four dimensional creatures. Probably more like 50 or 60 dimensions, but who’s counting? (Ok, Quantum Physicists are counting, but I’m not one so cut me some slack.)

Right now life for me is so fulfilling. And bone wearying. And depressingly sad… yet fueled by this creative thing in the now and this love for imagining what’s coming. The thing is that this is all at the same time. That’s more than up and down. That’s more like an up, down, left, barrel roll, time travel with a hint of cinnamon all at one time. Roller coaster? Pshhh. Give me a break.

I love teaching. I love planning and fighting and discovering ways to help them engage life and subject matter while developing the people that they are becoming all while managing the safest possible space for them to explore and fail and succeed.

After work I want to pass out. I often have nothing left at the end of the week and a good drink is all that’s on my mind.

I’ve spent most of my adult life very very single. I have too many not single friends. I crave companionship and I am a particular man. I’m single because I don’t want someone to have to try and fill the shoes I have in mind. I want those shoes to be a solid Cinderella fit because then I can rest easy knowing that they belong in those shoes and that they won’t grow resentful trying to measure up to them. I also want to be sure I fit their shoe too. No one has passed the audition yet, and in Asia there haven’t been that many people to try out for the part. A very fairy tale analogy for a very un-fairytale method of finding a partner. I’m beyond sad.

I have the best job I’ve ever had. I have an amazing home in an amazing part of Bangkok. It has a spiral staircase. I’ve gotten to travel much of Asia. Opportunities are coming. I’ll be studying for my masters degree soon. In two years I will be completely free of debt. I am committed to and succeeding in yoga and it’s one of the first non-work and physical fitness commitments I’ve ever stuck with. I’m becoming in touch with a body that I have rejected for years.

Roller Coaster? Nope.

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About therecoveringtheopath

Post Christian. Math teacher. Living Abroad. Learning and exploring.

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